Sometimes i feel like the relationship with my mother can be mended, because we are alike in some and i use that word with caution, we clash; we both want control and independence. the differece being that i only want control of my own life; whereas she needs control of everyone around her. i refuse to let someone boss me around and tell me how to live my life; i have been down that road before and never again will i give up my life. I know what kind of person i want to be, and i know what kind of parent i want to be. i know the rules i will have and the lieniences i will obtain. I know what kind of environment i want to live in and who i want to still be in my life. this is all because of my mother and father. seeing their parenting skills and witnessing them first hand; i know that i dont want to be strict; as long as my children have it under control. i want to discipline but i will never throw my child away and i will never take advantage of my familys bond. i want to have a strong litte family; since mine has always been large and i want to continue to be little, with a big heart. i was once asked what id do if i had children; and my mother was no longer in the picture; my answer was and always will be, " i will never take my childs grandma nor grandfather away from them, i am open to the disfuctional family that i have, but my child will know who their real grandparents are." " i will never disown my parents in honor of my child(ren) because without my grandmother i would have no faith, strength or control, without my grandfather, i feel as though i would have little knowledge of many things and without my grandmother jeanne, i would have luittle faith in family because she has kept this troubled, disfunctional and insane family together for so long.