i realize that my boyfriend; is the most beautiful person inside and out, i know that what he goes through everyday tops my as well as anyone else i knows lives. him as well as his family are probably one of the strongest people i have ever met and i wish that i knew how to be as happy as they are. i wish i had half the strength that they have for just one day. they give me hope that i can change; i take my life, happiness and future for granate and this has to stop as well. i know that my life is no longer a joke and it hasnt been for a long time. i just wish that i could see strength in myself long enough to believe it and make some changes in my life. david is now apart of my life, and although im scared of the obsicals that will come our way; i cannot imagine my life without dave in it, friend or otherwise. he has stepped up in being there for me, trying to force me to speak my mind and feelings at my worst. and although; this i am not ready for either; i need to be. i have to keep an open mind, sean is gone and i dont want that to change. actually; i need that to not change.