oth.

"Don't be too fat, or too thin, or too dark, or too light; don't be too sexual, or too chaste, or too smart, or too dumb. Be yourself. But make sure you fit in."-Anna


truth. the world is changing each day and its all getting worse. you get into eighth grade and you life begins to change, all the friends you thought you had change into people who want to be cooler and hangout with the popular clique. if you cant keep up its too bad. ninth grade is where your life as a student begins in the sence of society. girls are pressured not only by family friends and school but guys on top of it. many of us have a problem where we think we are fat and we can never be skinny. being to dark whether its skin color or mood and being depressed you feel like nobody understands since you can become and outcast. not being sexually active makes you seem scared and guys just walk out and dont even look your way. if your too chaste guys will start rumors with their guy friends and then the school will soon find out and you will have a reputation and not a good one. when your too smart your called a nerd but if your too dumb people just talk shit behind your back and dont believe you are worth being there. teachers begin to think less of you and when you fail test after test they dont even bother looking over it they just give you a f. once you find where you belong and who your friends with. you can begin being yourself. and thats what matters. once people start liking you for being you, you tend to become more confident with yourself. but some girls get sucked in and hide themselves in the corners or the room. they isolate themselves from everyone and once someone talks to them, they are so scared they cant even open their mouth to let words out. im shelby in turning sixteen soon. ive made more mistakes than anyone of my friends. i said i learned from them but in reality ive made the same mistakes over more times than i can count on my fingers. i try to keep things inside of me that i dont want to bring up to the surface because if i say them outloud, its real and i cant deny it to myself anymore. i wish i didnt have the reputation that i have, even though its not that bad. i wish that i didnt come out and tell people what i used to be like. i wish none of my new friends knew who i used to be. im still me. and i miss who i once was, life waxs funner, life was easier, but it was my way of being selfish. it was my way of being rediculous and cruel i guess you can say it was my way of trying to "fit in" even though i didnt want any new friends. i tell people to stay away from me because one i dont want to get any more new friends and begin to trust them and they ruin it. and two i dont want them to have to deal with all of my shit, theyve got their own problems their own drama, they dont need any of mine. im serious about this matter. i want to be the person that i say i am. i want to be for real. i want to be legit but truth is i havent really changed i just think i have. i think im still the same person, i havent changed, im just to scared to hurt anyone else. i really do love my boyfriend, Sean. i want to be with him forever as does he. but how hes changed me is like being a damn slave. its not as bad as it sounds, but really all i need is to be me. and thats how i act with him i can be myself and i dont get rediculed. life before sean was a mess, it was fun, it was easy, it was secretive, irresponsible, joyous, rediculous, careless, foolish, happy, full, funny and all around great. but life with sean is so much more. losing one thing brings something so much more. truth.