None of this seems real. How can I be saying goodbye to you? How is this possible? When did things get this bad? I wish so many things weren't left unsaid. I wish a lot of things were different. I know I understood Sean; but I never understood what he went through everyday with his addiction and I never knew or could understand, why he ever chose to start drugs. Sean's life was so fun, so loving and he has a fantastic family who spoiled and loved Sean more than words could express. Il never forget the memories and secrets me and Sean shared or the love we had for one another. I never had anyone else need me as much as I needed them. I can't believe Sean left me, I can't believe he left us. When I look at his pictures it doesn't seem real than tomorrow I will be looking at Sean, empty. It hasn't hit me that I will never be able to look at him or hug him or touch him again. It hasn't hit me that il never have another conversation or have someone rub my feet or watch countless amounts of tv with. It hasn't hit me that il be looking at Sean but he won't be looking back at me. I'm not prepared for this; I wasn't prepared for this. I can't do this. I can't wrap my head around why this had to happen. I can't move forward in life knowing Sean won't be around to see it or be here with me. Wait for me up there seany and make sure god lets me in to see you. I love you cutie.