I'm running out of things to say, how to feel, what to think. I wish that I could wrap my head around this. Life without Sean; even just this past week hasn't made sense. I've had his family around me everyday so it's kind of like I haven't had that void of him yet. It's weird without him here, I don't know if il ever be okay with him being gone. This couldn't have had to happen. He didn't want this; there's no way. I don't know how long I can live without having my best friend in my life. I'm so happy that the last time I got to see Sean that he was healthy and that he looked so incredible handsome. I will always appreciate that Sean; our real Sean. Everyone spoke so highly of Sean and that he was one of the best people they knew, I'm greatful that people saw him that way; I'm happy that's how he will be remembered. Everyone says that this will get easier and that this feeling will go away. I don't think it ever will. I don't think people really know how much Sean meant to me or how much was invested into out friendship/relationship. I'm so lucky to have Sean's family to grieve with and to spend time with memories of all of us. I'm lucky to have gotten to meet some of Sean's friends and hear all he has had to say about me and about us. It's comforting hearing I wasn't just some girl back at home that was his secret or something. It's comforting hearing all he has said about me and told people. I know that I truly made an impact in Sean's life and that he really did appreciate and love me. I couldn't have asked for a better person in my life. I just wish love could have saved him. I hope that I get to see Sean soon; hear from him even in signs or dreams. It's been hard without him. I hope he hears me and sees what I write; he always used to check up on me, reading my blogs. He was the only one who knew about them. Love you Seany; please visit me soon