where did your heart go missing

i dont have much to say lately but i want to keep this going for some odd reason, in hopes that i wont break down like i did before. i cant let someone take that much control out from under me, i no longer am going to be civil and nice; you know i dont like you so im just going to walk around like your not there, your dead to me. i have my bestfriend mary; whos had my back sense literally day one; who helps me more than she realizes and who has done more for me in these last short 4 months than my family. and i have David, for however long this relationship lasts i have found someone who is not only my boyfriend but is my bestfriend, whos aware of my mistakes and flaws. who im not afraid to be myself around. this relationship only scares me because im afraid of being vulnerable again; and im afraid that i will get too attached; more than i already am, and everything will be pulled out from under me. this is why i usually dont tell him why i love him as much as i do, this is why i hold back with things that i want to say or how i feel. im strong because i know i dont need people in my life, ive gotten this far with the absence of assistance from my mother, sean and past friends; i can continue forward and i will be leaving you behind. if you need me in the future you know il always be here, just a phone call away because as much as you arent a friend to me; i will always be your bestfriend.