I am taken back when you talk to me. I don't Fully understand why but I realize that I'm still a mess from you. For the most part I have loved forward; but there are little things that make me see that I am still stick on the past. I am scared of this relationship: I'm afraid to get hurt, I sleep with my bear still: when David doesn't spend the night. My favorite necklace was a gift given by you: actually all my favorite jewelery are gifts from you ( i wish I still had them) there are days where you don't come to mind and then there are days where what your doing, if your home and how you are cross my mind. My past with you makes me appreciate Dave more than I usually would. I'm cautious of my surroundings but I am also reminded finally after 5 years what love really feels like. It scares me most of the time being unsure if I care for him more than he does me but that's the least of my worries. I know that Sean will always be carried around with me; at least for a long time, but I know that David carries bri aroun with him as well everyday; whether he wants to admit that or not, but who am I to be misunderstanding of that. This is the most realistic relationship I have had in5 years and I'm scares to ruin it or lose him. I'm scared that he will finally realize that he wants someone else or thT I am not good enough and on that day I will be destroyed just like I was with Sean. I will shut down just like I did before; I will lose a
Self control and worth again just like I always do. I will be a mess all over again. So here are my secrets and here is where they will stay so that I won't ever share. Here is my vulnerability and fears all laid out on the table again.