Dear Sean,

I get to wake up to and fall asleep next to Matthew and know that I'm safe again. I'm in love with my bestfriend. The worst part is no one knows how truly important that feeling is to me except you. I am so incredibly happy to have been blessed with this person; you've sent such great things my way all just to make me happy. I will continue to live this life to make you proud and always keep my head up when my typical thoughts come into play. I miss you so much Sean and nothing will ever take that away. I miss my bestfriend and my soulmate; but you've given me a real second chance at love and keep pushing me to get this right. Matt gives me the faith that il feel the things I haven't felt in years for another person. You allow me to see a future and open my eyes to other opportunities without you. I get to tell my whole life to someone who wants to spend theirs with me, I get to wake up knowing he will come back later that day and knowing that I have someone to take life on with. I'm in love with someone who I like to call one of my best friends and I can't explain what I'm going through to anyone but you. I know you can see us and I know how much you love me bc if you were here, you'd just be jealous of the person and try to sneak your way back into my heart. I know how hard it must be to let go and push people towards me, give me a life that we couldn't spend together. I can't imagine how hard it is for you to watch me be this happy without you but please know that deep inside I'm still so hurt from your absence, I'm still broken without you. There are always going to be moments where I say to myself "I wish Sean were here, or I gotta call Sean" or just when I need advice or a huge bear hug from you. There are always going to be things I won't be able to talk about with anyone but you and things that no one will be able to get out of me that you would. But these babysteps have given me this life that I didn't see coming. I thought that I'd be with you, I thought I had it all planned out, all I wanted to do was see you and be with you again. I had too much to prove, too much life to make you proud with. You've given me so much in life over the last 10 years, taught me so much. I can honestly say I am who I am because of you junior. I'm finally happy with who I am and I'm happy with who I'm with and who I let go of. I'm happy that I still have the best bestfriend and angel always holding me up and having me back like you always did. Thank you for ever loving me and thank you for letting me fall in love again and letting someone love me like I deserve again. 

I'll see you soon than cutie. Xoxo