Today was the first day I posted a picture of my tattoo for you. I've waited three weeks because I wanted nana and mom to see it first. Nana of course made me cry with her. I am so lucky to have this family Sean; thank you for being apart of my life. Pa came over today; he's not himself- he's really struggling and having a hard time with losing you. I can't say I blame him, only feel for him because he misses you so much. Nothing is the same without you anymore. Even on your bad days- your spirit alone brought us all happiness. There are things I will never understand, this is one of them. I was supposed to have you forever, I wasn't supposed to lose you. You were supposed to stick life out with me and terrorize me for the rest of my life. 

Somedays are better than others for myself and Dave. I never compared Dave to Sean or ever wanted him to take the place of Sean in any way. Before Sean died, I didn't know or plan for my future I didn't think about the rest of my life or who I was going to be with. Since I really got involved in Sean while he was sick I just wanted my Sean back and at times I got that boy back that I fell in love with; that we all knew and in those times I just took it in while I could. Dave and me have our problems, they're not going away and they're not getting any better. I feel like I'm settling in life by being with Dave, because I know In the back of my mind that it will never work out- I know we won't be forever. Now since seans been gone I realize I should have just helped out a little more and been there more; saved him more. I wish I never let him go on my birthday last year and I wish that I stayed with him after chilis instead of going out. I didn't know that was going to be the last time is ever see him. I lost my first love two months ago, I lost the person I was meant to spend my life with and everyday since then has been one obstacle over the next. I lost my very best friend to a disease that I never understood and I just keep hoping that everyday I live is one day closer to the day I get to finally see him again and start our second life making things right. Love you junior. Il see you soon than.