Losing Sean has been the single hardest thing I've ever gone through. Somedays (like today) I wake up forgetting that he's gone. On those days I pick up my phone to call him to tell him he was in my dream or see how his day was or how he slept. Realizing that he won't ever pick up my phone call again is the most unsettling thing. I will never understand why this had to happen. I will never understand why Sean ever chose to get involved with drugs or serious ones at that. I will never understand what went through his mind the day he decided that heroin can't be so bad. But I will never try to understand. Sean was anything but easy to understand; especially lately, he played by his own rules and chose his path exactly the way he wanted it to be. He had a good life and good opportunities that he could have used to his advantage for his future. Growing up Sean was quiet for the most part, with few friends and hockey. He wasn't very confident in himself and he was self conscious; when he went away to Oswego, Sean met different types of people and it changed him. He was less judgmental towards different people and he got into the fraternity which helped his self esteem. I was so happy for him for that. He is one of the smartest people I know, he always made me feel so stupid when it came to school work because it came so easy to him when I had to study and work hard for grades he didn't have to work for. I fell in love with Sean when I was 15 years old and our relationship for the last 7 years has been quite the ride. Sean was my everything when I was 15, we did everything together and I'm positive if he didn't cheat on me and things worked the way they were supposed to- he wouldn't have left, he wouldn't have gotten into this world and we would still be together or working on it to this day. I stopped being mad at Sean a long time ago because I began to realize that he helped me in the long run- I'm stronger now; I'm smarter. I was sad for a very long time; I was depressed all the rest of highschool. I blamed Sean for my relationship with Reid because I only started dating him to make Sean jealous and I of course got the shit end out of that. But of course Sean was there to help "body guard" me to and from classes after me and Reid broke up so I can't complain. I always knew sean loved me. I knew he cared; even when we weren't friends. We would find ways to talk or hangout. And when we fought; it was only so bad because we knew how to get on each others nerves so badly. That was just typical us; we would make digs at each other simply because no one else could do it better. No one could piss me off more than Sean could and he knew it- but I think it worked vise versa too. My best memories of Sean are kept in my head because he soon seemed to forget a lot of our memories and when id bring them up; he would only get mad. We could go without speaking for weeks or months even and the second I got a phone call it would pick right back up where it left off. The only time it took a little bit was when him and Sam were together. I was so happy Sean met someone who I hoped( but didn't know at the time) made him feel love again. I was happy that he was happy even if we couldn't speak or hangout for awhile. We were still pretty young back then but Sean still made an appoint to get ahold of me when he was back home for a weekend or something. It was like whenever he'd call I would instantly pick up that phone call or immediately listen to his voicemail and text him back- Sean always had a way of sneaking his way right back into my life like he never left- Sean knew he belonged in my life and I think he knew that I belonged in his too.