This has left me speechless, another life has been taken far too early. With Alisha last year and Sean this year; I have truly had a rude awakening. Life can be too short and my thoughts and prayers are with his family as they go through this traumatic experience. It's times like this that really make me think; put me in a different perspective. It could have been anyone; it could have been any of us. Once again; being hurt and breaking up with Dave has me a slight mess. I can't really think straight or see things the way that I want to or should. I dont know what I want or what I should be doing. But seeing what kayleigh is going through with Sean being gone; that could be me. I could have lost Dave and i know that none of the stupid crap would be relevant. It wouldn't matter anymore so I'm scared that i am missing out on valuable time that I could be having with him. But I need to stay strong for myself; love myself and be happy on my own before I choose to focus on anyone or anything else again. I need to remember what it's like to be strong and be myself. It took me years to become who I wanted to be and within one split second he took that away from me; I became the high school version of myself who I hate; who has been dead for so long, and I will never forgive him for that. I shouldn't have to always be looking over my shoulder or feeling as though I'm not good enough or pretty enough, fun enough. I finally got over high school and I am not okay with going back again. I've back tracked and that's all I see that I've done this year with Dave. I don't deserve to feel the way that I do;
I love him. I always will: he is my best friend I just need someone who's proud of me being his girl who's not afraid to show me off or think of me when another girl is walking down the street or throwing herself at him. I need someone who's going to make me feel like I'm beautiful and makes me feel like I am enough. I'm tired of feeling this way and crying myself to sleep. I'm tired of pretending like I don't care anymore when inside i have fallen apart again.