Sometimes i feel completely alone, like no one really understands why i am the way that i am and why i feel or react the way that i do in different situations. ive grown alot, i can tell by all of my previous entries but somehow inside i feel like i am suffering by reading in the past. i wish that i could write something that was worth reading to somebody other than myself; i know that i am the only person that actually takes the time to reflect on who i used to be compared to who i have become. i have also realized that most of my posts have mentions of boyfriends or failure, mentions about ex's and how hurt i have been. it makes me sad to see that that is what it took for me to grow up,its sad to look back and have no memories of happiness or actual friends other than ex boyfriends and their families. my sister just got out of four winds, a facility where she thought that she would find peace within herself, i wish she really understood how much i understand what she is going through. she holds everything in, doesnt express her feelings to anyone but tries to help everyone else in the process, she has a boyfriend; one who she believes to be wonderful; someone that she truly believes she will marry one day and have kids and live a "great" life with. i guess i wasn't the only one who believed in fairy tales; i thought i was the crazy one back than. i still remember all of "our plans" almost every detail but they are unimportant now. and hopefully one day she will get through all of this. she needs to find herself and take care of herself before she tries to help any type of a relationship. i hate watching her live my old life, because before i started putting myself into consideration; i was a mess, miserable and i hated everything about life. i was there, i never had the "balls" to hurt myself or take my own life like some unfortunately do, but i know what she is going through. high school ruins girls especially at fifteen it ruins childhood and it ruins self esteems and confidence. graduating and being cheated on where the two best things that could have happened to me when i was young; having a first love was one of the best things that i could have went through, i find myself fortunate enough to have "recovered" from it enough to find myself and become who i am comfortable being.i just wish the same for Kaly because she is a strong, beautiful girl, who has let some boy and high school and pressure from within herself get the best of her. i hope that when she grows up and graduated, she wont look back at her past and think the way i do of mine.