unknown.

"Our time was a long time ago, i fell in love with you. Maybe you've forgotten about it, maybe it didn't mean anything to you. But, I remember and it meant a lot to me... it still does."

truth. im not about to lie about my love for travis. he was, is and always will be my bestfriend. i never want to live without him. i cant believe that this past year i listened to my boyfriend and didnt talk to or hangout with travis. i miss him so much. i love him more than anything in the world. he is what keeps me going. sometimes i wish that i could just take this break from sean and see where the world takes me because whether i like it or not my life is nothing good at all. im not about to lie about it either. im not a happy person and i wont be for a long time. i want things to change i want to be happy i want things to make sense again and i want it sooner than later. travis is that one boy that i will always be weak for. he will always be that what if boy and frankly, i dont care that he is. he will be there when i need him and to be honest i need him right now. its actually his birthday today and i find myself crying because he isnt by my side. i love travis so much and sometimes i wonder what my life would consist of if i just let him have my heart and dropped sean. i wish that i didnt feel trapt with sean for all these things. i wish that i could be heartless for one last day like i used to be. i wish that i could have the things that i wanted again. i wish that things werent so diffucult to get. i wish it was all easy like it used to be. i want to see what i would do and who i would be without sean. i want to see how travis and me would be and how things would end up. i want to be trusted enough by myself to make the right decisions and not be hated for doing it. i wish that i would care enough about myself to make myself happy instead of caring what everyone else thought. i will be there for sean forever whether it is by his side or in his arms, i will be there for him whenever he needs me. but i cant take feeling the way i do and reliving everything that i have to everyday because of what he did. im done with being the stupid girl and im done with being looked at as the desperate girl that is hooked on her boyfriend and believes everything that he says and doesnt care what he does and believes every word that he promises her. i used to be happy i used to not care what people thought about me until now, and i hate it. i want this to be over i want to get things to and end and make over my life to something that i really want.