im sorry.

it doesnt even matter if this post is way diffrent than all the others. but i have lied more times this past week than ever. i have lied for my own fun and i dont even care sometimes. i do it because people in my life the ones who mean the most make my life so difficult. they take my life by the reins and run my life into the future. im done with not haveing control over what i do. im done with people chooseing what i can and cant do. im done with lying my way out of things just so i can do them. im done with hurting people because they cant handle the truth when they want to hear it. im done with not making my goals. all i had was one more day just to prove that i wasnt the person that i was before and i couldnt do it. i broke something that i cant take back because after it happend zak kissing me, i knew that in the morning i would still remember what happend even though he wouldnt because no matter how messed up i was that night, its something that couldnt slip my mind. i knew that at the moment where my lips were touched with someone elses that i wouldnt be able to take it back because even if it wasnt all my fault, i would blame myself because not only did i go to a party get drunk almost break my no drugs ever policy and go out with boys and kiss zak. for the one who controls my life i lied about the whole thing. mike picked us up from my house and went the party with alex. he brought us to alexs to sleepover when we were supposed to go out for ice cream. i have to lie to have fun and thats not something im down with. i want to be able to have fun and tell the truth to the people that i love. i want to rememeber being happy and i want to remember being the girl who can do what they want to make it through the day. i want my life back i want to know who i am and i want to get my story straight. im done with friends who cant keep their mouths shut and all the people in my school who cant kep their legs closed and their heads up. im done with hating everything and everyone. im sorry that i wasnt what you expected and im sorry that i mess up but most of all im sorry that i wasnt enough to make you happy and that il never be the person that you made me. that will never stay.