aretha franklin

"Trying to grow up is hurting, you know. You make mistakes. You try to learn from them, and when you don't, it hurts even more." - Aretha Franklin

truth. i have only thought that i have learned from my past. i really have not. i just hide it away. i mean sure ive seen and learned what i have done is wrong and i have told myself not to do it but i dont think that i would be able to keep it up. its something that i dont confide myself in. i wish i could because i miss my bestfriend. i miss how he made me feel. i miss having him by my side and now caring who was looking. i miss the boy who taught me to be happy. i miss the boy who found the real me and didnt walk away. i miss the boy who taught me to see the world as something happy and as the best thing ive ever gone through. i miss the one who would stay on the phone with me for countless hours even though he had to be up early in the morning. i feel like ive lost him so much this year. i feel like he has been out of my life for so long and really its been just lately. he wont answer to me and he doesnt want to talk to me at all. i miss how much of a friend i used to have. i miss that i dont have the person that i could spill my heart out to completely. i miss that i dont have the only person that i trusted with my life. im a complete mess now and to be honest i dont really care about it. my heart is all over the place just trying to find its way and i am still where i am today because my heart deserves some breaking sometimes. you have to respect something in order to not hurt it and i dont care about myself so for my heart to be all over the place... i could honestly careless. plus when you prepare your heart for a downfall, its ready to lose respect for that person who made you fall. its just that easier to let them go when you lose your respect towards them. its makes it that easier to see them for who they really are and it makes it more easy to let them go without looking back and regretting what you did. if staying here is going to end up with me wasting my time then it will be my fault and i wont blame anyone but myself. i dont care about myself and i dont care that i hurt. some people just want to be sad all the time and me i really could careless what i am as long as i dont hate. i just want to learn from my mistakes and take in the moments when i mess up. i want to know that i can pick myself up when i fall and that i am capable of doing what i say i can. i want to be trusted to hangout with my bestfriend and not do anything wrong. i want to believe in myself that i can be strong and be confident again. im getting sick of this life time around that ive got going for me but im willing to change it if i really have to.