move on.

“There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.”
-unknown

truth. i want to leave this place, this house i live in. these people that i deal with everyday. for the last six years ive wanted to move and ive even almost done it over 15 times. i hate the house that i grew up in sense all it is, is lies. my whole childhood was thrown out when my dad moved out. after i wasnt allowed to move with him, my life started its downfall. ever since that day that i watched him move all of his belongings into a uhaul, ive wanted him to open his car door and tell me to get in after we packed a uhaul for me to tag along. my dad is my world and the truth to anything ive said is that he is what i need, hes life for me. i still sit in my room every valentines day and every august 8th and look at pictures after pictures and write journal after journal. it seems to be the only thing that lives up to being worth my time. this summer i realised that its my turn to change my life around because that world and the people in it arent making any type of a posative impact on my life what so ever. my dad and his girlfriend are having problems again and he is staying with my sister. i guess laura attacked him and stratched him and dug him up and all this. this is the type of life that i used to obide by. that is the behavior that i tended to believe was okay and i found it amuzing. i want this year to be diffrent. im done with the people in my school. im done with who ive dealt with. i want to start over and be somebody who is worth their own time. i want to figure out who i am. i want to meet myself and understand why i like it that way. i want to be or become that person that was okay when the world was changing. i want to be stable. i dont want to have these random acts of sadness. i dont want people looking at me like i am stepped on. i dont want to be walked all over. i dont think that life is worth my time. im done trying to please people. im fed up with being told that i am happy. im done trying to act that its okay when im not at all okay. im done with faking a laugh and a smile when in fact its not for real. im done with living with the fact that i only believed that i was okay and that i was happy for a month. but in reality everything was a mess. i try to pick myself up to be presentable. i try to get an understandment with myself when i am sad. i try to take care of myself when i cant handle it all at once. its difficult for the world to get a comprimise from everyone here. people are stubborn and they arent willing to change. the people in my school are stuck up and all they look out for is themselves. they have their noses stuck to the ceilings and they dont have a open mind. i honestly cant name some person that i can not stand being next to or talking with, until now. ive never really hated anyone. ive always wanted to be everyones friend with the exceptions of the ones who betray others or the ones who are flat out mean. i want to have a negative free environment. and i want everyone to be clean and drug free. i want to much and i want to change myself to the extreme but in my heart i know i dont have a chance.