August 12, 2007

"Self-worth comes from one thing - thinking that you are worthy. "
-Wayne Dyer

truth. im shelby and i have no idea who i am or what im about. i want to be worth someones time. but when people say it i just blow it off and dont believe them, maybe its because im not worth my own time. i look down apon myself and kick myself around because i dont believe in myself. i dont like myself, i never have and i probably never will. ive learned that i dont cope well with change and ive learned some specific things about myself. im not a person to judge others quickly and i give everyone a chance before i decide to talk badly about them or think against them. i believe that everyone deserves a second chance and if they need more they will have to work for it. ive learned that i can be smart and that i can be stupid. ive learned more about myself in the last two years that i have ever known. but ive also changed the most in the last two years as well so i keep contradicting what i know. im not one to talk about making mistakes because i have made my share of them. but i know that there are people out there who have it way worse than i do. i dont like telling people my business or letting them into my world not because im afraid they will judge me but simply because i dont want people to feel bad for me or want me to talk to them about it and let them try to understand it. i wish that i was worth my own time because maybe then i would understand myself and be a person that ive wanted to be all along. i want to meet myself. i want to own up to things that i tried to forget about. i want to say sorry to every person that ive ever hurt or done wrong to. i want to love the world again and not be afraid of it. i want to walk through the school with my head up and feet on the ground and my boyfriend in the palm of my hand and not care what people say about me once again. i want to look however i want and not care what they say. i want to be able to relax and smile and not have to worry about anything. i want to live up to what people expect when they see me walking passed them. i dont want to be misleading anymore. i want the world to change, but it doesnt seem to be changing quick enough so i guess il just have to change for it instead.