I somehow never think to write anymore. But I want to - it always helped me get through the worst days. I write because I don't like to forget how I felt or how angry, sad or happy I was and who was there. I've been blessed to have Matthew. I'm blessed that he stuck around and gave me a chance. I'm happy, I really am. I just want things to be better - I want to make someone happy, I want him to trust me and trust that I'm here for him. Whether he's just saying it or not; he doesn't get weirded out about Sean. I wish he knew or understood because I hope this ones it for me. I never cared if anyone understood Sean and Shelby because the truth is- no one ever will and no one ever did. But Sean lives inside of me and always will. His presence in my life is so important and speaking about him and remembering him is something I will never let myself fail at. I loved Sean with all of my being when I was 15 years old, I thought I did everything I was supposed to do. We loved eachother so much, more than I can honestly say for a lot of people. Sean was my person, my bestfriend, my soulmate and the absolute love of my life. I wanted everything with him and I will never forget that. But I know that I can be just as happy as I was at 15 again and I know Sean's been throwing opportunities my way since the day he left us. Sean will always be such an important role in my life and I wish I could see him more often. I've been living this life and doing this school and work thing for him to be someone he can be proud of, to make him happy and know that I appreciate the motivation he pushes me with. There will always be days where I miss him more than usual but I'm ready to be happy again and try life with Matt. I'm ready to start a future and hope this one works out better than the last. 

Il see you soon than...