djklp

its 430 am and i have had all night to myself; to write anything and everything i have needed to say in the last few months that i havent gotten the chance to do. i thought by watching movies or a show or looking through pictures would help trigger something to push my motivation at writing but i was sadly mistaken. its that time of year again, which seems to be rough on us all; some more than others. i look back back and at a year ago and think of where i was, a year ago; i had just found out that i was pregnant; a year ago i had the worst depression of my life and a year ago is roughly around the time when i decided to get my life going. a year ago david helped me through what seemed to be the toughest time of my life, i had a new support system without even trying, i had a new bestfriend and a new love. i could sit here and write about the story of me and david; but the truth is; there isnt one. we go day by day; there isnt a plan for us, my relationship now doesnt mirror any other relationship i have ever been in other than the mistrust section. we have never just sat in bed ALL day watching movies and talking about ourselves and secrets and how much we love eachother or why we love each other. we have never just taken a day to have a serious talk. i have held in my feeling sense day one because of what has happened and because i dont believe that david deserves to hear it; im afraid of being vulnerable and taken advantage of, im afraid to scare him away with what i have to say. my life has changed dramatically over the last year and sometimes i dont even notice how much. if i didnt have david in my life i honestly dont know where i would be, he has helped me be stronger and helped me overcome obstacles that i never saw myself bring able to let go of. dave has helped me more than he will ever see or understand. i hope that this relationship can recover, i hope that i can recover. i wish us the best because i really do want true happiness not only for myself but for him as well; whether that be with me by his side or not. 020911

ps. happy 15th birthday baby jordan :)
for all the obsacles that will continue to be climbed, i hope to be there, to be strong enough to help your brother. i love you jordy; i love the smile that you put on my face without even saying a word, i love the happiness that you project on everyone, your one of a kind, you remind my of my dew dew and that makes me feel more close to you than i really am. you and your family are so strong and i envy you all. i wish all the best. have a great day<3