its weird how sometimes i just have the urge to write;sometimes about simple nothings and others about my whole life story. but i can never express how i really feel to the people closest to me; because those are the ones that always and i repeat always let you down and hurt you the worst. my life isnt horrible, not even close. it is also not even close to bad; its average when you think about it. i know that there are people who have it worse than me, may it be medically, physically or emotionally; i am okay. i look back on my life and sometimes i see that everything has changed; about me, my friends, my family and basically everything i stand for. but most of the time, i see that my relationships and family and types of friends havent changed one bit. i try to change myself a little each time i find something that i dislike; and so far i have succeeded and leaving the little girl behind that i once was. i look at my bestfriend, who is strong and kind hearted but inside she in a wreck; shes emotionally damaged and she has no one to blame but herself. i look at each person i have grown into and i see that along the way i let go of the boys who have hurt the hardest. i look at who i am today and i see that i try to be nice to the people that i see are worth it to care about. i wish that i had the time to write more often without my room mate or boyfriend lurking over my shoulder in the living room or my room. lately i havent had quiet time unless im sleeping. i shouldnt be complaining but it would be nice to have the opportunity to releave stress and pain. i have been put through enough in the last few years, and it seems that it wont be letting up any time soon. but as ive said time and time again; god wouldnt put you through anything that you can not handle.