i know that i am nothing special, and sometimes hard to get along with. yet i always seem to pull through at being faithful and genuine and no matter what i always find the time to make sure you know that i love you. this isnt funny anymore; this thing we call our relationship; i cant sit around wondering what your thinking or what you honestly want. im tired of questioning my relationship with you; im not fifteen anymore, i want a relationship that means something, i want it to be real and to actually last. it seems like everytime i turn around, im taking a few steps backwards instead of taking any forward. i know that i talk to greg and i know that it upsets you; i know that me wanting to go visit him makes you think the worst possible situation. but i; unlike you am capable of spending time with a friend without crossing a line. i dont know where this will bring us if it were to happen but its time that you realize what its like to be fucked over and its time for you to think the worst, because everyday i wonder whats going to happen if i dont make it home in time, or whats going to happen when i work later than usual. im scared of you going home or going anywhere for more than 6 hours. im literally just afraid that i will get shit on again; i know it will happen im just waiting for it to come. i shouldnt live this way and choosing to do so is not okay with me anymore. we have never just sat down or laid in bed and talked for hours about why or how much we love eachother. to me thats not normal; ive always had someone to do that with. going out is nice i guess; you doing you and i do me, but sometimes its nice to know that you see me, its nice to think that i exist to you and you havent forgotten about me... again. im broken and i have been for months now, i act like i dont care because i refuse to let you into my world further than you already are, you dont deserve to hurt me more than you already have. im tired of being broken down, im tired of feeling worthless to you. im tired of thinking that i dont mean shit to you.