3.16

i deserve so much more than this, it is so wrong to be so young and worry about this many things, life is just going to get prgressively harder and i can not keep up, i am worried that i will fail. i know that i will fail and i am just trying to keep my attitude high enough to get through the rest of this year. im not trying to impress anyone, i just want to get by i just want to take care of myself. i want my life back, i want some strength and some worthiness. i want to be proud of myself again. i want to be done with the past and just move forward but my heart isnt small enough to just let it all go and move on, leave everything and everyone behind. im too nice of a person with too big of a heart and i wish that it would be an asset rather than a disadvantage. i want to be alright again and believe that things are going to be okay again, i want everything to just work out the way it is supposed to and the bullshit to end. im done with this highschool drama and crap, i just want to begin my life on my own and take care of myself for once, worry about myself, and fend for myself. i really dont need anybody, i know that life is so much better with the good few surrounding me but i honestly will keep moving forward if they ever fall behind or get in my way. for once, im taking care of myself and nothing can get in my way. i am a mess and this is not an overnight thing, it takes time and i have a whole lifetime to fix myself, i will take my sweet ass time in doing so.