Xo

I miss you more everyday it seems. Some days I forget that your gone just long enough to make myself believe it. I've said so many times I don't know what's next ? In life, at school, at work, with my relationship and with friends. Just all around, what's next? In the last 2 1/2 years I've changed myself back to the girl I used to be, strong, independent, who goes after her goals. I let nothing stand in the way of my future. These things are because of you; because I want to make you proud, keep you watching me. But with graduation coming up, I question what is next for me? I started this journey to better myself and finish something that you weren't able to do. I just want to live a life that you wouldn't tell me to keep reaching for, because you took advantage of yours. I keep striving for happiness because there is always something missing, I keep reaching for more because I know I've had it. You've shown me so much in our 10 years together and these last 2 1/2 apart than I would have let myself realize. I give you so much credit to who I am and who I keep becoming because it's the truth; I am who I am because I got to watch you, I got to be in love with you. So much love, such obsessive, real, innocent love. One that broke us both but also brought us back together. There is no love like ours Sean and I will never try to duplicate it. Truth is, I will never be that happy in this life again. I just hope that you keep watching and help guiding me every step of the way. I know that I couldn't do this without you. How do I become a mom without having my best friend by my side? How do I get married without you even being there at all? These are mile stones in my life that i couldn't picture doing with someone else before. To say I miss you is not nearly enough for the pain I feel daily from your absence in my everyday life.