Not many people know or can understand what I've been through this year. I've held a lot inside - it's all I know. I can't believe that it's been this long already Sean, I can't believe it's been almost 7 months. I can't believe i haven't spoken to you in that long, or gotten to see you. Sometimes I feel like your just in a bad place, missing from my life or on the run, sometimes it's like you just away at school, mad at me again and other days; I know what's really happened. My life will never be the same; it's changed so drastically and it's happened so quickly; I didn't even see it. I realized so much when you died, I realized; I lost so much of myself since high school, I changed and now; I just find that I'm trying to be that young girl again. I just don't know how to be. I miss you so much junior, I miss laughing with you and making fun of you. I miss hugging you and talking about the future and real life; just doing everything that we always used to do. Il never find someone like you ever again; I never could- even if you were still here. I won't settle for less than I know I can have. Your my best friend. Your my soulmate. And I refuse to let you watch me float through life without being as happy as I once was. I don't understand why this happened. I don't understand why you chose this life for yourself. If I could go back to high school and hold on to you for my life; I would. I'd give up anything to have you back. I wish I could tell you that I love you one more time; I wish I could hear you say the same. Everyone knew and knows how much you mean to me; how much I love you. I wish that could have been enough for you. I was proud of you; for your struggle and determination. I love you. I miss you. Always and forever Seany. I promise. 💙