I wish you came to visit more. I wish you were still here. I wish you were mine. I wish I was hiding out in your room or the basement or wherever honestly; as long as it's with you. I wish you could have met coco. I wish you were better. I wish I could cry with you and I wish i had your advise right about now. There's not a single day where I don't think of you or I ask myself "what if". Like what if you were here? What if you did recover? What if you never died? What if we got back together? Would we have to move away? Would you be realistic? Would you be the same Seany that I fell in love with? Would I be able to handle the running away from home to help you stay clean and be with you? Would I have ever broken up with Dave? Gone back to school? Would Dave had still moved to Rhode Island? I question everything because your passing changed my whole life. It amazes me how one person could change everything about me. But if it was going to be someone; I couldn't imagine it be anyone but you. Days pass and I still feel like it was just yesterday we were sending back off to Oswego. Or when we went to chillis or when you were at my old Troy apartment.  These days are ao clear to me. I can remember every move or word that was said. I can remember every feeling I had. I love you junior. I always have; and I always will. I can't settle for less than what I've had before and it scares me to know that it can never be you. It scares me that I can't just walk into your house and you'll be there, open arms for a hug "hey Shelbs" il never get passed this and il never not talk about it. Have a perfect day in heaven cutie. I love you