I don't see you in my dreams anymore. I don't even think of you that often. I pretend your still here. I know you want to help me through this and take my pain away. But missing you completely from my life isn't fair to me. I love you Sean. I love seeing you when I sleep and thinking of you during the day. I love talking about you and I love remembering what it felt like to be in love and be happy. You've helped push me along this past year; I just wish you were still here to see it with me. I can't imagine this will ever get any better; any easier on any of us.  But I am so grateful and blessed to have your family who involve me and keep in contact with me regularly. I wish I could be apart of your family with you Seany and I'm sorry that didn't happen for us. Nana said that even though it didn't this time: she thinks that someday we will be together. It's what gets me through this life without you. Your my soulmate, my best friend. Your my first love and heart break, but your also my lesson in life. God gave me you for the ups and downs. I wish you were here to see me finally listen to you about David. I wish you could have been here to pick me up and tell me it will be okay; but I know your up there screaming it at me anyway. I will never talk badly about Dave, he is one of my bestfriends, we have a lot of great times and we have fun; but to me; he is a terrible boyfriend and I didn't deserve the life he had given to me. I wish you could be here to ride this journey with me and push my ass along at school and work but I'm not sure if you would have been strong enough to stick around here with me. There's so many things left unsaid. So many emotions and things I didn't let surface that came rushing out when you passed that I've been overwhelmed. This last year; was awful for me but I need you to visit with me and be apart of my life still. I miss you so very much and I'm sorry that I couldn't help you more while you were here. I wish I had known earlier, I wish I had taken it more seriously. I'm proud of the man you became Sean; addiction or not. You were my cutie and I'd loved you just the same every day. Don't ever forget that. Il see you soon for our second chance at life; were gunna get that one right this time. Love you junior. Always and forever