sddj

im not sure what to think or say for that matter. here; i am safe, from friends, exboyfriends, family and even myself. i always come back to this, constantly writing down my thoughts and feelings once things fall apart again. i said i was prepared to be unprepared but i cant say that i was ever surprised by this outcome. 6 years ago, i was heartbroken, and its taken me this long to forgive sean but i still forgave him; because i know that i need him in my life, he is the one person in this world who understands me more than anyone else, he is the one person who knows what im thinking and where im coming from or whats wrong before i even say a word. Sean is the love of my life and i will never forget that, no one will ever change that and sometimes i push it to the side because i am distracted but than there are those people who actually help you forget; unfortunately that person seemed to have let me down for the last year, but this time its different. im not heartbroken and destroyed; im tired and im sick to my stomach for being so stupid for this last year. im pissed off that i wasted my time, my energy and heart into something that doesnt even matter. i dont have friends, but i know that i have myself; and with a little help from my bestfriend, i can overcome this. no im not okay and no i am not fine; but i will be because i am a fighter, i am strong and no boy is going to destroy me.